Extra Cheese

                        

                             Man’s Best Friend

                               4,027 words

Yesterday morning, I awoke to find my dog had taken my place. The news blared from every monitor in my bedroom. I turned and glanced down at the floor, not believing the news, and sure enough, Ranger was gone. How embarrassing, I thought. It was bad enough to have a Hozion take my place for my last flight, but this, this, I could never live down. I decided right then and there, that I would fight the decision made, presumably, by my commanding officer.

I arrived in the Serpian Quadrant shortly before noon. Ranger bound up to me and licked my hand as I approached the Station.

“Yeah, nice try,” I said, “apology NOT accepted.” 

Several of my co-pilots sniggered as I walked by. The reason I was there tagged at my heels, panting.

     I entered Commander Johston’s office and stood at attention until he acknowledged me. Ranger, of course, being the traitor that he is, leapt into the commander’s lap and began kissing his face.

‘Kiss-face dog,’ my brain yelled, but my mouth remained silent.

“Lieutenant Kiplex. At ease.”

“Thank you, sir.”

“I presume you’re here to discuss the current flight arrangements?”

“Yes sir, I…”

Com. Johston raised his hand to silence me.

“No sense in denying it, Lieutenant. Ranger here has all the necessary skills to do the job right.”

 He pat my dog’s head as it lay on his lap. Ranger refused to look up at me during this part of the conversation.

“Yes sir, I trained him well. But, sir, I am, or was, scheduled for this flight, and I’d like to remain on the roster.”

It was then that Ranger lifted his head and whispered something into the Commander’s ear. Damn dog. I knew I should have never bought him that translator. I stood at ease while the two of them whispered back and forth. Not so nice thoughts raced through my mind. I don’t mind admitting, some of those thoughts were schemes to get rid of my beloved pet. Finally, Com. Johston looked at me and nodded.

“I have a compromise in mind Lieutenant.”

I was back on the roster and we were in flight. I sat in the co-pilot’s seat and Captain Ranger sat in the pilot’s. He manipulated the controls like a true master; I will give him that. Our mission: to escort an ore ship returning from Vector 12. 

We sailed through the Gava galaxy and arrived at the Meluvian asteroid belt right on schedule. The ore ship however, was nowhere to be seen. Captain Ranger maneuvered the ship into the waiting port. We tuned our signals to receive and waited. After about ten minutes, the Vermagillion captain radioed our ship. 

“Nemesis 2, this is Captain Smullart of the Horizon Ore. We are grounded on the planet Orevex. There is a minor complication with our engines and we could use a tow.”

“Affirmative,” responded Captain Ranger.

“We will arrive at 26:17 hours.”

Captain Ranger discontinued communications and turned to me and barked, “Take us out to Orevex and watch for the Vermagillion signal.”

I knew I shouldn’t argue with my commanding officer, but what I know and what I do are usually two different things, so I ventured,

“Do you really think it wise to alter the flight schedule? If they are in need of a tow, why didn’t they signal before?”

Captain ranger sniffed at me then leaned over and licked his gonads for a moment. When he looked back up at me he replied,

“Maybe they thought they could make schedule and pushed it to the last minute trying to do so. I seem to know of someone else who does the very same thing.”

I never believed people when they said that their dog grinned, but there was definitely a grin on Ranger’s face as he returned his attention to the controls.

I conceded, took the Nemesis 2 out of port and headed to Orevex. We spotted the Vermagillion ship’s signal at 26:16 hours and tracked it to Orevex. We entered the orange atmosphere, lowering our scopes to adjust to the planet’s gravitational pull. We shuttled to the Vermagillion ship - the Horizon Ore, and waited for a sign of life.

Captain Smullart exited out the North hatch. As he hopped down the steps, I realized I would never get used to the sight of Vermagils. His head was round and came to a narrow point at the snout. Gills pulsed on the side of his head slightly behind his marble sized black eyes. Whiskers almost as long as my arm twitched on either side of his puckered mouth. Sharp fangs glistened in the sun as he smiled in our direction. His body was supported on two huge furry legs and balanced by a thick scaly tail. His arms were tiny and positioned in the center of his chest. Little protrusions of prickly hair burst out sporadically over his feet and swayed back and forth as he hopped his way over to the Nemesis 2.

His council of four Vermagils followed out the hatch as he made his way up to my post. He eyed the ranking bars on my uniform, shook his head and approached Capt. Ranger.

“Captain, thank you for arriving right as scheduled. As you can see, we are in a bit of a quandary here. We not only have an engine under repair, but our shipment of ore has yet to be loaded. We could not load while our technicians were working,” he hissed.

An air of contempt seemed to permeate his words and I wondered why he would speak so to another commanding officer. Surely, he had to be used to seeing all different life forms in varying levels of command. He was himself a Vermagil! 

Captain Ranger did not show that he noticed any disdain or any other negative emotion in this creature. He sniffed Captain Smullart’s butt, perked his ears when the Captain spoke and responded in kind.

“You’re very welcome, Captain. We will try to be of assistance in any way that we can. As your technicians are continuing to work, do you think it wise that we hook up a tow now? Perhaps we could wait a bit and see if your ship’s engine is repairable?”

Captain Smullart thought this offer over for a moment and then nodded.

“Yes, I would like to continue on the course that we have chosen. I will give them another 4 hours and should it not be repaired by then, we will load the ore ourselves and you can tow us to Levren 5. 

Both Captains seemed to be pleased with this arrangement and shook paw and claw. I was very happy with Captain Ranger’s stance as it showed that his very first trick was well taught. I was immensely proud that I had taught it to him.

Capt. Ranger sniffed the air and then perked his ears at something he apparently heard in the mine, he looked in that direction while speaking.

“Do you mind if we look around a bit, Captain Smullart? I’ve never been to Orevex and am quite interested in exploring the terrain.”

 “Not a bit. Feel free to look around. I should warn you, however, that we have lost men in the mines in the past. So, please, be careful should you decide to venture in them. We wouldn’t want the Lieutenant here to lose his master.” He chuckled and hopped back into his ship, his council following close behind.

“Signal the Commander and let him know what’s happening. I’m going into the mines,” Capt. Ranger yapped as he trotted off.

I did as I was told and returned to the Nemesis 2. I signaled our coordinates and strategy to the Commander.  I didn’t wait for his reply. Something about the Horizon Ore ship just didn’t seem right to me.

I exited our ship and circled the Horizon Ore. One panel was left open and unattended on the starboard side of the ship. The starboard side also happened to face the cliff of one of the mines. I peered inside the open panel door, looking for the culprit of this engine’s apparent failure. Not being a mechanic or a technician, I could see no immediate cause for concern. No circuit boards appeared to be blown and all the wires were in place. I took another walk around the outside of the ship. The loading dock area was not open and did not seem to be used as such as no ore traces could be found anywhere on the ship. Having helped direct several ore ships to the Serpian Quadrant, I knew how dirty the ships could get in a short period of time. This one, however, was very tidy. Maybe, I reasoned, the Vermagils, keep a neat and tidy ship; some unconscious way to make up for their own lack of pleasant appearance.

I took another walk around the ship. Something still didn’t seem right, if I could only figure out what it was. Then it hit me. Why I didn’t notice it right away can only be testimony to why the Commander had chosen Ranger to captain this flight instead of me. This was not an ore ship, nor a commodity bearing vessel at all. This was a war ship. A cleverly disguised one, I had to admit that even to myself. And, I tried to remember that Ranger had not noticed it either, but had seemed more interested in the mines than anything else.

The warheads were camouflaged within fake engine panels along the port side. Two doors under the front pilot quarters contained reflective metal to suggest windows, but were surely missile housings. Along the starboard side, three engine panels were actually as they seemed. The other seven panels, when opened, showed missiles staring back at me. I tried to remember which panel door had been left open and return it to a similar state before turning to the mineshaft and searching for Captain Ranger. This was one ship that was not going not leave the ground. It would take the both of us to put it and the Vermagils out of commission.

I entered the mineshaft and whistled.

“Ranger, here boy.” Ahem, I cleared my throat and tried again. “Captain Ranger? Lieutenant Kiplex reporting with very interesting findings, sir.”

I listened and thought I heard whining toward the back of the mine. I continued forward, brushing up against the narrow ore walls as I traveled further into the darkness. Small lights were strung along the ceiling but did nothing to permeate the blackness that engulfed me. Rail tracks ran the length of the floor so I followed them along looking for any sign of life.

There it was again. This time I was sure that it was whining that I heard.

“I’m coming Ranger, sit tight!”

I tried to run, but managed only a fast walk on the uneven tracks. I held onto the walls for balance and felt the greasy soot beneath my hands.

The whining intensified and I thought maybe there was more than just one dog making the raucous.  I came into a small room and as my eyes adjusted to the light I realized that I was right. The room was filled with about fifty aliens from all over the galaxy. Creatures of all shapes and sizes. All of them wearing collars with chains connecting them to whatever station they were working. Slimy green Gebbans pulled the ore carts along the tracks. It was shear good luck on my part that I didn’t run into one of them on my way down. Their chains were locked into the handles on each cart. Each Gebban pulled a cart to be filled at a treadmill run by Brestin Hounds. The hounds were a perfect choice for this task as each of their seven legs could push the belt rather quickly. Ore fed through the opening and dumped into the carts. When the cart was full, the Gebbans pulled it down the track. There, the ore was emptied into a chute on another conveyor run by Chinthas. I marveled at how fast their little arms pushed and pulled the levers to make the belts go. These Chintha - run belts lead to the outside where the ore could be gathered and loaded into ships. Termian carried and delivered water to the crew. Pootlets carried small rationed meals in baskets around their pencil thin necks to each work station. Many others helped feed and water one another and still others helped to load and dig the ore.

Among all of the working class dogs, I spotted Ranger gnawing the ropes off of several Gawburns that had been crudely tied together. I looked around as I approached Ranger, trying to figure out who it was that had enslaved these poor creatures. I did not see anything or one that appeared to be in charge, so I assisted Ranger with untying the ropes that bound several more to the walls.

“What is going on here?”

Ranger looked up at me and whimpered, “I didn’t have any idea this was happening.”

“You didn’t have any idea? So you knew something more about this mission than I did? What is it exactly that you DID know?”

He continued gnawing and spoke with his mouth full of rope.

“Com. Johston and I were to help the Vermagillion ship to Levren 5. It isn’t an ore ship.”

“Yeah, I figured that out on my own and that’s what lead me down here to try to find you. I thought you should know, but apparently that was for naught.”

“Let me finish,” he whined. “Com. Johston took a bribe to let the war ship land on Levren 5. He figured with our escort, they would have no trouble landing. He must have known that they were going there to capture more aliens to work in this mine, but I knew nothing about that. I just knew that he wanted the ship to land without hassles and I assumed that it was a hostile planet and that’s why I was along - to promote a peaceful voyage.”

“So you knew nothing of why they were going to Levren 5? How can I believe that since you kept the real reason –or your version of it – of this mission, hidden from me?”

He stopped chewing the last knot and turned to me and said,

“Why would I be down here helping to free these poor things if I knew of what was happening all along? When we arrived I smelled and heard their pain in the mines. That’s why I came down here first.”

“Yeah, I guess that makes sense. But what do we do now? We can’t just let all these beings free to roam about the planet. The Vermagils will notice that something is terribly wrong when they all start pouring out the mineshaft.”

“I’ve already spoken to them and messages are being relayed further into the mine. We are staging a coup. You can join us, or you can go back to the ship and wait it out.”

“What about weapons? You’re dealing with a war ship. How do you plan on defeating the Vermagils?”

A Gawburn spoke up and gave his offering to our conversation.

“I’ve been held captive for 2 Meganos, what would be to you, around 12 years. I’ve had plenty of time to think of a way to get free.”

“Have you been tied to this wall that long?” I asked.

 “No, my ideas are the reason I’ve been tied to this wall. I was sharing my ideas with the others and the Vermagils overheard me, this was my punishment. The others resent the fact that they have to do my work as well as their own and stopped listening to my plans for freedom.”

“And, what ARE your plans?”

We gathered everyone in the mine – word spread very quickly once there was freedom in the air. Ranger and I laid out the details to the various life forms and then left the mine and headed to the Horizon Ore.

“Have you figured out how we’re going to be able to get near the Vermagils without them knowing what’s going on?” I asked.

“No, but I’ll think of something. Just leave it to me,” Ranger barked as we neared the ship.

“Oh yeah, and I have a great deal of confidence in my dog who betrayed me and then schmoozed his way into being my superior on this mission.”

He snarled. Damn dog. If I hadn’t known better, I’d have thought that he wanted to bite me just then.

The Vermagils watched as we approached their ship. The captain stepped outside the hatch as we neared.

“Did you enjoy your walk through the mines?” hissed Captain Smullart.

“Yes, very much so. However, I do wonder how it is that you dig and load the ore?” Ranger cocked an ear while waiting for the response.

“One of our worker ships deposits their crew before we arrive and returns to retrieve the workers once the mission is complete. Surely you noticed workers in the mines?” Captain Smullart stepped toward Ranger, looked over Ranger’s head and nodded at the mineshaft.

“Well, now that you mention it, no. We didn’t see anything or anyone. The mines were completely empty.” Ranger stood his ground and bared his teeth slightly at the invasion of his personal space by Captain Smullart.

“Really? Well isn’t that odd.”

Captain Smullart wrinkled his snout and his whiskers flopped on either side of his face. His tail twitched and he hopped a step backward. At this display of body language, his crew came out and joined him, standing at attention by his side. Ranger let out a yelp and that was my cue to wave the freed workers on to the next phase of the plan.

Within seconds hundreds of miners; a congregation of all the Gawburns, Chinthas, Gebbans, Brestin Hounds, Termian and Pootlets that had been in the mines surrounded the Horizon Ore ship, Captain Smullart, his crew, myself and Ranger.  The Gawburn we had spoken with in the mineshaft, the one who’s plan this was led them.

He sauntered up to us and gurgled, “Chain them,” to a slave on his right.

At once they descended on us. There were legs and arms and snouts everywhere. Ranger and I were caught up in the turmoil unable to free ourselves before the miners pounced on the Vermagils. I felt myself being thrown backward, hit the ground hard, and then felt myself sliding. Only, I wasn’t sliding, I was being dragged! I fought as chains were put around my ankles. I tried to turn my head to see where Ranger was, only to come face to face with the glaring eyes of about a dozen Gebbans. Some of their slime oozed onto my face and I squeezed my eyes shut to keep the green gunk from falling in them. I thought about calling for Ranger, but the thought of any of the Gebbans’ slime slithering into my mouth made me change my mind. They continued to drag my now bound body across the rocky terrain.

I sensed darkness and presumed I was being dragged into the mine. The rails under my back confirmed this supposition. It was a rough ride through the tunnels and I screamed out in pain more than once. With each yelp of pain on my part, one of my captors would kick me in the ribs, head or wherever seemed handy at the time. It didn’t take long for me to discover that holding in my discomfort was my best bet. Finally, I was off the tracks and opened my eyes long enough to see that we were in the same room that had housed the initial assembly of slaves.

My chains were fastened to the walls and I was then positioned among the now enslaved Vermagils. Captain Smullart was anchored to my left with two of his crew to his left and the other captives were anchored to my right. I tried yelling for Ranger, but there was no reply. I couldn’t see him anywhere in the room I was in, but that didn’t mean he hadn’t been dragged to another. Eventually my voice became hoarse from calling and I gave it a rest.

What seemed like several hours passed without further incident. The Vermagils questioned me as to what was going on, but when they realized I had no answers, they finally gave up.

I assume it was dark outside when Ranger finally showed up. Ranger bound up to me and licked my face. I had no choice but to let him, as my hands and feet were chained to the damn wall. I glared at him when he was through.

“What is this all about?” I spat.

“Ha! You still haven’t figured it out? And you think I’m the one who needs training!”

“You’re right, I do need training, training in how not to be loyal to my regime and how not to be loyal to my friends.”

“You think this is about being unloyal? This IS about loyalty at its greatest. I am following orders. I was supposed to convince you to go along with us, but I knew you’d never agree to it. So, this was the only option I saw that would work. You will be chained to these walls with Vermagillian thieves and slave traders until you die. Of course, it is quite possible that you will discover an escape, but you will have no means to leave this planet as I am escorting the miners back in the Horizon Ore to the Serpian Quadrant.”

“Why are you taking them there?”

“Ha! Still no clue. To sell them of course. I have programmed the Horizon Ore ship to follow my ship once we leave this atmosphere. The miners will have no control over which direction the ship goes nor would they want to. They think they are going to a place of great freedom and wealth. And, the Serpian Quadrant is just that, only, not for them.”

“So, you’re taking the slaves you just fought to free to another place where you will sell them into slavery again?”

Ranger nodded and added, “Oh, but, I’ll be stopping on Levren 5 to pick up more of them, offering them freedom and wealth of course.”

“How are you going to get them past the military guards and how will you explain my absence to Commander Johston?”

“Who do you think thought of this little plan? Why do you think I was promoted to Captain?”

“What about your loyalty to me – your owner and trainer?” 

“Hey, you want to run with the big dogs, you have to lift your leg a little higher.”

I shook my head in disdain for this pet I had once loved and taken care of.

“Well, gotta run.” Ranger lapped at my face once more before running off down the mine tunnel. I watched his tail wag as he went.

It’s been over a week since I last saw Ranger. At least, I think it’s been that long. I’m beginning to think that time really doesn’t matter when you’re trapped in a dead zone. I was able to unlock my chains shortly after I heard the ships take off. It was then that I noticed a key by my feet. I’m pretty sure Ranger dropped it when he was lapping at my face. I’m not sure if it was by accident or out of guilt. Either way, I don’t really care. What I do care about is a ship landing here and taking me home. I have plenty of food that was fed to the miners to last for a while. There’s also a reservoir of water that was here for the miners. I just hope I live long enough to see a ship arrive. But, even if I don’t, one nagging thought will be with me until my dying day. Why, oh why, didn’t I just buy a pet fish?  

                                The Great Harvest

                                1961 Words

Calvin once complained that there were not enough cans of corn in the world. But that was before the Great Harvest. That was before The Changes. And, if memory served him correctly, that was around ’55 or so, about a year before what was remembered as the Year of the Crop Dusters. Of course, there were crop dusters way before then, but that was the year that everything changed. After that, well, it was safe to say that All Hell Broke Loose – for a little while anyway.

         Calvin sat on his front porch, thinking fondly of the good ‘ol days – the days when farmers were just farmers and could sit back once in a spell and just watch their fields grow. It hadn’t been that way in quite some time. Now-a-days, farmers (the good ones) were almost extinct what with all the farm land being gone and all. Oh, once in a while you could find an old one hiding out, tending to a small window garden, but nothing like it used to be. Used to be farmers would be out in their fields all night sowing, fertilizing and making plans for reaping. Used to be a fellow could just take a drive and see huge fields of wheat, barley or soy beans, and of course all the wonderful corn. Now, you could drive all you wanted but you’d never see a field of any kind – at least not one that wouldn’t give you nightmares. But the new farmers did a pretty good job of keeping new folks out of their fields – not that anyone actually went to see them anymore. Oh, of course at first there were the curious, but they faded away quick-like once word got out. And Calvin knew from experience that you didn’t want to see any of the new fields. As a boy, he had been one of the lucky curious – or not so lucky depending on how you looked at it - and he thought he was not so lucky. And, you didn’t want to meet any of the new farmers. The new farmers were the ones who decided what fields to sow. And Calvin knew he did not want to be any where near any field that the new farmers were planting.

         “Hey Cal.”

         The familiar voice brought him from his reverie.

         “Hi, John. What brings you this way?” Calvin said as he watched his friend of 50 odd years limp his way up the sidewalk.

         “Not much. Can’t a fellow just stop by to say hello any more?”

         John pulled himself up with the railing that went up both sides of the five stairs to the porch where Calvin sat in his rocker. He slowly worked his way to the chair next to Calvin and plopped himself down with an ‘umph’.

         “Don’t see you around here very often is all.”

         “Yeah well, I come to see Susie. She and the young ones went to church, Mark is off on his motorized hobby horse so I decided to come pay a visit to you instead – if that’s okay with you.”

         Calvin looked at John and offered a grin. “Sure thing. You want something to take the edge off?”

         John glanced at his watch – almost noon.

         “Looks like about midnight to me,” Calvin chuckled as he noticed John checking his watch.

 “Just in time for some moonshine,” John chimed in.

 Calvin got up from his chair and went into the house, returning a few minutes later with two tall glasses filled with a gray murky liquid.

 John took his and held it up, squinting his eyes as he peered through the glass.

 “Remember when your shine was as clear as a tear?”

 Calvin nodded sitting back down in his chair, “hmmhmm.”

 “Not no more though,” John said and took a sip.

 “Hasn’t been that clear since before The Change,” Calvin said and took a sip of his own drink.

 “Still strong enough to make a grown man sweat though,” John said and took his handkerchief out of his pocket and wiped his brow.

 “Only the weak ones,” Calvin chuckled as he did the same.

 “I remember the year we first started brewing the shine.”

 Calvin laughed, “Yeah, what was we, fifteen or sixteen back then? Didn’t want our pa’s to see we snuck their booze, so we decided to make some of our own.”

 “Now, they charge an arm and a leg for anything even remotely resembling alcohol.”

 “Can’t rightly blame them – it takes a long time to find the ingredients – well, the ones that ain’t too tainted anyways.”

 “How do you get yours? I thought the old gang was long gone.”

 “I still got my connections – don’t you worry none. As long as I’m around, there’ll be moonlight at noon.”

 John sat back in his rocker, holding his glass in one hand, tapping lightly on the armrest with the other. Calvin waited him out. He knew his friend would speak when he was ready to share what was on his mind. If Calvin tried to ask him directly, John would just clam up nice and tight and Calvin would never find out what was circling around in old John’s head.

 After about ten minutes of watching the traffic ease itself down Main street, watching people pass by not paying any never-mind to the two old men sitting in their rockers on a hot Sunday morning, John finally broke the silence.

 “Remember when they used to just grow stuff?”

 “Yep.”

 “God, I remember playing in my daddy’s fields as a boy, running through the corn, trying to get lost in the mazes at Halloween.”

 “Them was the good days,” Calvin agreed, already knowing where the conversation was going – or at least he thought he did.

 “Before they really started with all the engineering, you know?”

 “Yessir.”

 John rocked back in his chair a little, took a sip and sighed, “Remember when you could just buy some produce and know straight up what you were getting? Before all the cellular manipulations? Before they had to make everything bigger and stronger and better. Before they started playing God?”

 Calvin took a sip, wiped his brow and replied, “Yep.”

 “Then, they made the seeds resistant to drought, bugs, and even too much rain. They grew the damn things in hydroponics for Christ’s sake – that was the true beginning my friend.”

 “Don’t I know it,” Calvin added taking a long draw of his quickly diminishing drink.

 “They made the plants so they didn’t even need dirt to grow in! Could grow any damn place that was moist! Then, they didn’t even need sunlight anymore, they engineered those damn seeds so much, they could make their chlorophyll without sunlight! Insects became resistant to the insecticides, and the plants had to be further engineered. Then we started using up more and more of the land for people to live on. And on and on it goes.” He ended his tirade in a bare whisper, took another sip then followed that one with a gulp. “Look at us now.”

 “Now we ain’t got grass to piss in,” Calvin added.

 “Damn straight. Not one damn field left anywhere, as far as the eye can see. Just damnable cement and mortar. Too many people, my friend, just too many damn people.”

 Calvin was starting to feel the moonshine and chuckled, “Well, they’re fixing that too.”

 John nodded, “Yep, ever since the Year of the Crop Dusters.”

 Calvin laughed, “Crop Dusters my ass. Why didn’t they just call them what they were? Planters. That’s all they were doing. Planting damn seeds - tiny little spores. ”

 They sat silent for a moment and then John continued, “Remember the first town they planted in? The test town? All those people breathing in the seeds, becoming the new growing fields. Then when they realized what was going on, when that doctor, what was his name? Nichols. Him telling everyone what was really going on and then everyone trying to get out, families trying to force their way in to save their loved ones and local law enforcement trying to budge their way past the Army and National Guardsmen the town’s people dying as they tried to get past the road blocks?”

 “I remember the years of famine that was before it. Dead bodies everywhere. No land left to bury them in; had to have the incinerators running day and night those few years. Here in the good ‘ol U. S. of A. Someplace place where everyone thought they were safe. That’s what I remember.”

 “You saying you agreed with what they done – what they’re STILL doing?” John drank the last of his drink and slammed the glass down on the armrest.

 “All I’m saying is what I remember – same as you. I ain’t agreeing or disagreeing one way or the other.”

 John looked at his empty glass and held it out. “Got any more of this you’re willing to share with an old friend?”

 Calvin nodded, got up and returned with two full glasses. He gave John back his glass and sat down in his rocker once more waiting for his friend to continue talking and get to the real reason he was here on this bright Sunday morning.

  “I remember the towns after that first one too. All the protests and riots - on both sides. People arguing that what the government was doing was wrong, others saying that using people as the growing pots, as it were, was the only way to feed everyone.” John continued, “Protesters holding up signs stating people were eating people, and a bunch of damn cannibals is all we’d become.”

 “We don’t eat people, John.”

 “Yeah, that’s what they tell you, but think about it would you?”

 “I have thought about it, can’t think of much else.”

 John nodded, knowing that was true. It was all most of the old timers thought of. The ones who remembered, even faintly of, ‘how it used to be’.

 Calvin took a look at his friend then, a real hard look. John sat in his rocker, holding his drink in one hand, the other hand resting on the armrest in the sun and tainted ever so slightly, a light yellow. Even knowing how much alcohol John used to consume, he knew the taint wasn’t due to cirrhosis. He thought about the way John had limped up the sidewalk to the house, how he had plopped down in the chair instead of easing himself into it like an old man should. The phrase ‘knee high by the forth of July’ rang in his head and finally he understood. John had been living in a growing field and had somehow managed to escape. He ran away and now found himself on his old friend’s front porch drinking moonshine and talking about how it used to be.

 “They’ll find you, you know,” Calvin finally said.

 John nodded and took a drink.

 “The seeds all have markers. You can’t run anymore than you can stop the growing with homemade moonshine.”

 “I know Cal. I just wanted to see an old friend one last time.”

 Calvin nodded then too, knowing exactly how John felt. He had been a part of a growing field once and had escaped too, but that was before they started marking the seeds so that they could find anyone who made it out of the field. Before they engineered the seeds so that alcohol couldn’t kill the germinations taking place within you.

 They sat there then, two old men, remembering how it used to be before the days of The Crop Duster and the first Great Harvest. Calvin grimaced as he looked at his friend John and thought, ‘You could live while it was growing, but Harvest time would kill you.’

Aliens Among Us

                                      2224 Words

          "Why are you always so cynical?" Kate looked at her brother and fanned the photos across the cocktail table in front of the sofa.

          "Just take a look at these," she pleaded.

          Scott stood in the doorway, combed his hand through his hair and shook his head.

          "Kate, this is ridiculous. Honestly, if I had known this was why you'd invited me over, I would have ignored the call." He leaned against the doorjamb, crossed his arms and glared at his sister.

          "Just take a look at this one, okay?" She waved a photo in the air. "This one shows an aerial view of the field before they came." She dropped the photo and picked up another. "This one shows the field afterwards." She grabbed another photo with her other hand. "And, this one shows the ship." She held out the photos to her brother. "Come on! Just one look, then I'll stop, okay?"

          He remained stationed in the doorway. "That's what you said the last time. Really Kate, I've had enough of this nonsense. There's no such thing as aliens - just get that through your head and get on with your life."

He stepped into the living room and hovered above her as she remained seated on the sofa. "Haven't you noticed that none of your friends call or come over anymore? Haven't you caught on that even your family doesn't enjoy being with you?" He waved his arms to demonstrate the emptiness of her home. "Look how alone you are here Kate. It's your own fault. You've done this to yourself with your obsession." He dropped his voice and lowered himself onto the sofa with his sister. "And now, now you're driving me away too."

          "I can't help it, Scott. I know they're there. I can feel it. I went to the farm. I saw the crop circles with my own eyes. I camped out with hundreds of others waiting for their return. Only, when everyone else got tired and gave up and went home, I stayed hidden in the tree line - waiting." She picked up another photo and showed it to Scott. "It finally paid off. I got this. And this." She reached for another photo and her brother stopped her hand. 

          "I don't need to see them Kate. I don't believe in them. That guy, what's his name?"

          "Art," Kate said and dropped the remaining photos onto the table.

          "Art said that he saw them happen. He was there Kate! He watched the circles form outside his window. Even he said there was nothing there, no lights, no sounds, no colors."

          "That just means that he didn't see them, it doesn't mean that they weren't there," Kate said, barely above a whisper. "They're real."

          "Kate," Scott took her hand in his and tried to make direct eye contact, "I read the report on the Horicon Marsh website."

Kate's eyes widened and she made eye contact with him as he continued, "Okay, I will give you that the crop circles are probably real. But, that doesn't mean that they were formed by aliens. Why can't it be just like old Art said - a freak of nature or something?" Scott concluded and sat back on the sofa.

          "Because, I have to believe in something bigger," Kate replied, looking back at the photos strewn across the living room table.

          "But why aliens? Why not just an act of God or Mother Nature herself? Why aliens?!"

          "Because they exist." She looked down at her hands folded in her lap. "And tomorrow is the one year anniversary date. I'm going back there tonight."

          "We're not getting anywhere," Scott said as he got up from the sofa. "I can't do this anymore." He looked at his sister one last time. "If you feel a need to go back there, go, but I'm not going to be a part of it." He walked to the front door and opened it. "I just wish you'd be normal again," he said as he walked out the door closing it gently behind him.

          Kate gathered her pictures from the table and began filing them into the labeled album spaces. She looked closer at one that depicted a small orange fleck in a night sky. "I know you're coming back," she whispered and then put the photo in the album with the others.

Once she had the photos arranged, she went to her bedroom and began packing. She pulled out her duffle bag and put in a couple changes of clothes, an extra sweater, a flashlight, some matches, her wallet and an extra pair of shoes. She grabbed her compass off the dresser and pocketed it.

Kate carried her duffle bag to the kitchen where she got a couple of water bottles from the fridge and packed them into the duffle. She went to the living room, took a photo album off the shelf, returned to the kitchen and sat down at her kitchen table. She opened the album and paged through it, stopping at a picture of herself fifteen years younger at the age of ten with her eight year old brother Scott. They stood side by side in the photo, holding hands and smiling toothy smiles for the camera. Behind them, stood a barn and several cows. Kate leaned closer to the photo and nodded as she placed her finger atop the small orange speck that floated above their heads in the clear blue sky. "I just know you're coming," she whispered to the photo. She closed the album, picked up her duffle and headed out to the garage.

In the garage, Kate put her sleeping bag and pup tent into her blue Beetle Bug, then loaded her duffle in the front seat beside her. She sat behind the wheel, turned the ignition, backed out of her driveway and began her three hour drive to Mayville, Wisconsin.     

          Kate arrived at the farm, and noticed that it wasn't filled with people as she had expected. No cars lined the road where she parked her car and no anxiously awaiting people stood in front of the farmer's home. Even the field itself seemed to have forgotten the unearthly visit from a year ago. The site of the crop circles had been plowed and new corn plants stood about three feet high within the field.

          Kate made an entry in her alien log. She noted the time of 8:47 PM - 11 hours 58 minutes until arrival and made a note of the emptiness of the farm before she began setting up her tent in the tree line. She would spend the night and if the aliens didn't come tonight, she figured she'd just have to recalculate her arrival time.

Kate set up her tent, rolled out her sleeping bag and then rechecked her compass making sure it was secure in her pocket. She put her duffle next to her sleeping bag - ready for the trip. She didn't think she'd be able to sleep and instead decided to keep watch on the night sky.

          '12:04 AM,' Kate wrote in her alien log, 'everything is still quiet.' She looked over her entry and then looked up to the sky.

"Please come tonight. I've been waiting so long for you," she pleaded.

Kate laid back upon her sleeping bag which she had spread out in front of her tent. She gazed upwards and watched the crescent moon and imagined she could see its descent across the night sky. Stars that she had forgotten existed shone brightly without city lights to dim them. Kate watched the stars intently, waiting for an orange one to appear. She closed her eyes and tried to envision what it would be like when they finally came for her. She pictured movie-like aliens with huge eyes exiting from a round silvery spaceship lit with thousands of tiny lights. These images danced in her dreams as she fell to sleep.

          Kate awoke at 4:17AM as the wind collapsed her tent and flung it against a huge oak tree behind her. She jumped off her sleeping bag and ran to the tree that now kept her tent from flying into the field. Kate grabbed her tent and climbed back onto her sleeping bag as it too started to roll up under the pressure of the increasing wind. Branches from the pines began flailing about and almost struck her several times even as she sat low to the ground. Pine needles and branches from oaks flew past her. She tried to listen for an engine sound, one she was sure would come from a space ship, but heard only the wind. The air around her that had previously been damp with the beginning of morning dew suddenly grew hot. Steam began to rise from near the base of the tree line in front of where she sat clutching her possessions. She dug her compass out of her pocket relinquishing her hold on her tent as she did so. She watched as it flew out into the field before glancing down at the compass. The needle that was to be pointing North, now spun in all directions, spinning clockwise one second and counter the next.

Kate jumped up, ran out from the cover of the trees and looked expectantly up at the sky. A smile widened on her face. She was sure she could see an orange orb coming near to where she stood in front of the trees. Branches continued to fly past her. Bark ripped off a tree to her right and almost hit her in the head as it zipped past. Steam gathered around her feet and worked its way up past her knees. She tried to walk forward, but stumbled and so remained where she was. She watched as the orange light continued to get closer.

          A thunderous explosion threw her backward and into the base of a huge oak tree. The wind stopped at the same instant she hit the ground. Steam closed in around her and she could no longer see the sky. She felt the earth near her and felt only twigs and leaves.

          Kate reached out in front of herself trying to gauge her way through the fog. She kneeled and began to slowly crawl through the underbrush toward where she thought the field lay. Every few inches she would reach out her hand to feel for a barrier before her. She crawled this way for about four feet and then her hand stopped in mid-air. She felt something - something soft and squishy and wet. She prayed that it wasn't an animal that got caught up in the brief wind storm and somehow injured by the flying debris. She knelt and tried to stand up but the thing before her put pressure down on her shoulder, keeping her close to the ground. She screamed and lurched backward, falling most of the distance she had just gained.

          The steam cleared around the thing that had touched her. In front of her stood a creature about six feet tall - its width appearing to be a close match to its height. She peered up to where its face should have been and instead saw nothing but what looked to be melting gray flesh. Huge swaying hunks, of what appeared to be skin, hung from every angle. Kate couldn't make out any facial features, nor could she tell what part of the creature's hanging flesh had recently kept her from standing. She scooted backward, trying to distance herself from the thing.

          "Please," she whimpered as she continued to feel behind herself for a stick or branch to protect herself with. She repeated the plea over and over again and with each vocalization, scampered further away from where the creature stood. 

          Kate watched with disbelief as the being split into three separate creatures. She blinked and within that time span, the three had triangulated around her. She shook her head and tried to scoot across the ground in the direction of an oak tree. Before she could get an inch, they were upon her and holding her down. Their skin was now cool to the touch and it seemed that all the flapping pieces of skin had turned to hardened fingers, pushing and probing her body. She tried to roll over to crawl away, but couldn't turn under their weight. She started gasping for air.

          "Please, stop," she cried. The pressure increased with every sound she made and she panted as she continued to struggle. She started feeling light headed and she couldn't feel her body any longer. With one last gasp, she passed out.

          The three beings immediately withdrew from her and stood above her relaxed body.

          "She's not ready yet," one said. The other two acknowledged the veracity of the claim and melted into the dissipating steam. The remaining one drew closer and knelt down beside her. The pieces of skin that hung loosely over his figure came together in one sleek motion, giving him a new human-like body. His face morphed into what he knew Kate needed to see when she looked at her little brother.

          Scott sat beside her, stroked her hair and spoke soothingly to her. He would wait for her to come to, so he could take her home.  

                                        Affirmations

                           388 Words

It was her silent affirmations that kept her from going completely insane. Then, the silence (his hands?) wrapped around her, choked her, until words crashed from her mouth, punched the air, left bruises where the silence had been – each syllable (hit?) heavier than the last until she stopped moving and stood (cowered?), waiting for his response.

Nothing.

Silence poured back into the room, reached her ears and set them ringing again. The only way she knew to get them (him?) to stop was to continue as before.

She repeated her affirmations while walking (guarding?) the perimeter of the room – each step adding distance between she and him, then redirecting her, leading her back where he wait.

Whispered affirmations dropped to the floor, rolled away, hid amongst the dust bunnies (her dreams?) left unattended in the corners.

She bowed her head; risked a glance at him. He lie there; mouth slightly open as if in mid-snore, eyes closed – almost peaceful.

Almost.

She took a step closer, waited; stole another. She put out a hand to touch him, jumped back, let out a yelp. She thought (imagined?) he reached to grab her.

Another perimeter walk (search?), glances over her shoulder; steps a little quicker (easier?), breath a little heavier, circling back around to him again.

Always back to him.

He remain as before – eyes closed, mouth partially opened, red shirt.

Was it red before?

Affirmations tumbled out, fell faster than her steps, trying to trip her, make her fall, leave her drowning in a pool of lies.

She stepped over them (him?); continued her pace (descent?) around the room – back to him again.

He remain the same; never changing, never ending, never letting her BE.

Screams (sirens?) sliced through the silence, broke it open - pierced her ear drums. She saw the waves (blood?) had blanketed her, gloved her hands – were trying to pull her under – rip her breath away.

She fell to her knees, palms pressed against her temples, mouth partially open, eyes closed. The perimeter collapsed (opened?); hands came, held her, whispered to her, lifted her - led her away from him.

Finally away.

She stole one final peek over her shoulder at him - his closed eyes, partially closed mouth, comforter of red beneath him, and it was her silent affirmations that kept her from going completely insane.    

                                     Kissing Guano

                                      2938 words

          I was born Rosa Carlotta Silvana Grisanti, but in the mid - Eighties, I legally changed my name to Eve. Let me make one thing perfectly clear. I did not want to change my name, but my boyfriend at the time, now my husband, talked me into it. His name is Adam. And, while we're on the subject of husbands: when you say you wouldn't do it with someone even if they were the last person on earth - you better be positive that the end of the earth will never come and you won't be stuck with that person for the rest of your life. That's what happened to me - the end of the world came. May 2^nd 3,081 was when the yellow gas hit. It was a mixture of yellow rain and an atom bomb used to vaporize it. It instantly ate the flesh off bones. There was no safe place to hide from it because it was in gas form. It didn't destroy buildings or inanimate objects. I guess the plan was to not have to rebuild once the enemy was wiped out. I still don't know how I happened to survive. But, I figured if I survived, there must be others like me. So, I began to search.

 I walked for what felt like days entering houses and buildings. No one was present. Well, no one alive or even recognizable, that is. Skeletons remained where families had been. Some sat at tables, some lay outside, some were still in beds. At first, it was nerve wracking to see all the carnage, but after a few days, I got used to it. I even started talking to them as I went through their things. I apologized for the food I was taking that they'd no longer need. I called out for anyone to hear until my throat was raw. No one ever answered.

 I ate what canned goods were around as I made my way. Most people had relied on public transportation and what few personal transports I found, didn't work. I figured the nuclear strike must have damaged their electrical systems. So, I walked. And walked and walked.

 After months of wandering, I finally found someone else alive. Adam was collecting bugs when I saw him. He lay stomach down in the middle of the street with jars spread around him, each jar holding a different creature, and each bug trying to scurry its way up and out of the jar.

 "Hey!" I hollered as I ran up to him. "Are you all right? What are you doing?"

 "Collecting some of the living beings from around here," he whispered without turning to see who had spoken to him.

 "Okaaay," I whispered too, though not knowing why.

"What do you do with them once you've caught them?"

 "I eat them. The red and black ones taste the best. Hey," he said as he finally looked up at me. "I know you! You're Rosa! Oh my God! My beautiful Rosa!"

 "Yeah, hi. How do you know my... oh, man. How unlucky can one person get in a lifetime? You're Adam - right?"

 "Yeah, that's me - Adam. I can't believe you remembered my name!"

 "Not likely to forget it - unfortunately," I mumbled.

 I had known Adam from a bar that I worked in - "Byte Me". Don't get the wrong idea - it wasn't a strip club or anything like that. I was a programmer and it was a place people went when bored, to download mini-vacations. Adam started working there about three months after I did.

 He didn't appear to have changed. His long black, straggly, hair was still grimy with dirt. He now had added facial hair and that definitely didn't help his already emaciated appearance. Adam could stand about 6 foot if he ever stood up straight, but with his continual slouching, he stood roughly 5'6" and that was on a good day. He still talked with a bit of a slur and now that he didn’t have to impress anyone, it seemed to be more pronounced.

 Who would have thought that after all I'd been through, I'd actually meet someone I knew? And to top it off, someone I had so thoroughly rejected?

 "Where did you come from?" he asked as I peered into several of the jars he had scattered around him.

 "Dakota."

 "How did you survive it?"

"You mean the gas?"

 "Yes."

 "I don't know. Maybe, I was immune."

 "Yeah, I don't know how I made it either."

 I fingered one of the jars and was tempted to let the critter inside escape.

 "So, why do you waste your time eating these," I said pointing to the wanna- be escape artist inside the jar, "instead of canned food?"

 "I eat both. But I thought I should try to eat some real protein. And, since they survived too, maybe I'll get some extra immunity qualities that they have. Do you want to try one? They're not bad." He grabbed a container and started to pry the lid off. I held up my hand to stop him.

 "No thanks. I think I can manage without it."

 "Have you found anyone else alive?" I asked, but knew the answer.

 "Nope. You're the first. And, you found me," he said with a smile.

 "So, now what do we do?" I scanned the area. Huge houses were set back on equally large lawns, a rarity in most cities. 

 "I have a house over there." He nodded toward his left. "You can stay with me, if you want," he said with a wink.

 I thought about the last time I had seen him. We had been at work and he had approached me for the umpteenth time to go out with him. "Why won't you go out with me Rosa? I'm a nice guy."

 "Look," I had said, "I don't care how nice you are. I wouldn't go out with you - sleep with you - touch you in any way - even if you were the last guy on earth!"

 He slunk away and didn't show up for work the next day or the day after, he had quit.

 I looked at him and his bug collection.

 "I don't think that's such a good idea," I replied. "I want to travel some more and see if I can find anyone who made it through, like us."

 "You won't."

 "How can you be so sure?" I exploded.

 "Because, I've already explored for miles around. There's no one. Trust me."

 "Yeah."

 I knew he was right. I had traveled for months before finding him. But, I had to look and there was no way I was going to stay here with him and his bugs.

 "I have to look. Do you want to come with me?" I asked even though I wasn't sure which was worse, traveling alone or traveling with a bug-eater by my side.

           "Of course, I'll come with you," he said as he jumped up appearing ready to go.

           "Don't you want to grab some of your stuff first?"

           "What for? We'll be back and besides, I'll find new stuff along the way."

 Adam was right, and four months later, I gave up hope of ever finding anyone else alive. Adam was ecstatic.

 "How about if you pick out the LOVE nest we'll live in?" he gloated.

 "Do you really think it's going to make a difference to me? I'll be living there with you. No house can possibly make up for that," I pouted.

 He took me by the hand and we went looking for a home to settle into. I silently and desperately wished for some germ eradicator to wipe my hands with, but instead, I had to settle for periodically wiping his sweat from my hand and onto my pants.

 I finally settled on a large home in an upper end district. I figured what the heck, I may as well live comfortably if not peacefully. Adam set about getting rid of all the furniture that was left by the previous occupants stating, “We need to pick out our own stuff, something that shows we’re in LOVE.” 

 “Let’s get one thing clear,” I replied, “Even though I’m going to live with you and there’s no one else around to hear me say it – I will Never LOVE you.”

 “Oh, you will my little love bird, you will.”

 That’s what he took to calling me as soon as I agreed to look for a house with him – his ‘little love bird’ because apparently they mate for life.

 Well, despite my protests and my refusal to help carry anything, Adam gathered new furniture he thought reflected our love for one another. He somehow managed to find a heart-shaped bed at a sleazy hotel. He was able to get it to our house, but couldn’t carry it upstairs to the room he designated as our bedroom. So then, he decided that the master bedroom would be downstairs and put it there. He made heart-shaped tables and carved mini hearts and attached them to the dressers as well. I would have never guessed that he had that much creativity trapped within him. It didn't even matter to him that I wasn't going to allow him to sleep in the same room with me.

 "I'm just getting it ready for you, my little love bird," he said every time I reminded him that once he was finished, he'd never see the inside of the room again.

 When he completed my room, he set up the living room as his bedroom.

 "So I can be here for you in the middle of the night if you need me," he explained when I tried to convince him an upstairs bedroom would be much more comfortable.

 "Fine, sleep where ever you want," I finally relented.

 He brightened at the thought.

"Except with me. Sleep in any other room of the house. I don't care."

 He furnished the whole house that way - scavenging things from other businesses and homes. He even brought home books from a museum.

 "I thought you might like to look at these," he said as I watched while he arranged them on the shelves he had made in his bedroom.

 He worked every day until he thought he had our 'love nest' just right. I didn't really care how he decorated it since I tried to stay away from home as much as possible. He usually followed me where ever I went, so I could never really get away. He spent most of the time looking for bugs to add to his ever growing collection. He very rarely even looked up to see where I was leading him.

 I took advantage of the situation and led him into a barber shop.

 "Have a seat," I demanded pointing to a barber's chair.

 "What? Why are we in here?" He looked up and immediately started shaking his head.

 "I'm going to cut your hair and give you a shave." I smiled my sweetest smile and batted my eyelashes, a combination he usually couldn't refuse.

 "Uhuh, no way," he said backing toward the door.

 "Okay, we'll trade," I said and my smile grew when I saw his face light up. Surely he thought I'd trade for sex, but he was sadly mistaken.

 "Trade for what, my little love bird?" he tried to coyly ask.

 "I'll let you go in my room when I'm not home," I stated as I put my hands on my hips and waited for his response.

 "Uhuh, that's not worth it. I'm always with you when you're out."

"Not my fault."

 "You know what I want," he said with a sly wink.

 "Eeeewww. Okay, I don't care how much I can't stand to look at you. A haircut and shave is definitely not worth that."

 His head dropped and I thought for sure I'd made him cry again.

 "How about if you let me sleep in our bedroom." He looked up and saw me shaking my head and quickly stammered, "Not in our bed, but just on the floor next to you?"

 I thought about that. We were sleeping in the same house after all. And, he had taken to sleeping on a cot outside my bedroom door.

 "So I can wake you if you have a bad dream," he explained.

 I really couldn't see the harm in allowing him to sleep on the floor next to the bed. Especially if my reward was to be able to give him a shave and haircut.

 "Fine."

 He practically bounced his way to the chair.

 It took me over an hour, but when I was finished, he almost looked like a respectable human being. I wasn't the best at cutting hair, but I figured anything was better than what he had before. When he looked at himself in the mirror, he didn't say a word. He was probably wondering how long it would take the left side to grow as long as the right so they could be evened out. Then he got a huge smile on his face.

 "Come on," he said and grabbed my hand with his sweaty one and dragged me from the shop.

 On the way home, he scavenged some more things and made notes to where other objects were. I didn't bother asking him what he was doing and just followed and helped carry a few of the lighter things.

Three weeks later, he surprised me with a makeshift windmill that pumped water into the house. A few months after that, he added a solar panel and ran a hot bath for me before I awoke one morning. This became his daily ritual. I wasn't about to complain. It seemed the books he brought home had some value to them after all. He discovered how to build all kinds of things. He made a wind generator and arranged it so it would assist with the scrubbing of our clothing. It almost worked like one of the old fashioned washing machines he showed me in one of his books. He made a solar heat machine to heat up our food. Adam even created a small work area outback to store his bugs in when he ran out of room in the house.

 My next step was to get him to bathe regularly. I had to use some serious bribery for that one.

 “Why can’t you bathe once in a while? Maybe the smell in the house wouldn’t be so bad then,” I shouted when I just couldn’t take it anymore.

 “What will you give me?”

 “Why does everything have to be a bribe with you?”

 He just shrugged his shoulders and looked down at his filthy feet.

 “Okay,” I sighed, “If I let you sleep in the bed – without touching me – will you please clean yourself up at least twice a week – or more?”

 He jumped up and tried to hug me and I put my arm out to keep him at a distance.

 “You bet,” he exclaimed and instead of trying to push his way through my arm to hug me, he ran out and started his machine for running water and took a bath.

 Well, that was the beginning of the end of my endurance. I give myself credit for holding out for almost two years without giving in to him. And, I held out a couple more before we were married. But, the way I look at it, if there really is no other life on this planet, then maybe Adam is right and it is up to us to re-populate the world. That’s the argument he used when we went to get the chip for our marriage.

“What difference does it make? No one is going to know if it’s ‘legal’ or not. We decide our own rules,” I complained.

 “We should do it right and pick the best stuff and toss out what doesn’t work for us. We’ll be the first ones to show how it’s done.”

 “Well then, what good does it do to get married and have kids if there isn’t anyone around for them to mate with?” I pouted.

 “We never know if someone from another continent might show up. Maybe someone is alive and more creative than me and has built a traveling vessel and will show up some day,” he said this quietly, like he didn’t want to give me hope of finding someone else again.

 “So why do I have to change my name to Eve? I like my name.”

 “Just think of it! We’ll be Adam and Eve,” he exclaimed.

 This idea always got him riled up. And, I figured, with all that he had done for me, maybe I could bend just a bit and do this tiny thing for him. So, we went and found chips, entered the information and as I signed my life away, I signed it as ‘Eve’. Simply Eve, no last name and he signed as Adam.

 “We won’t need last names anymore. We’ll be the only ones, and we can tell ourselves apart.

 So, we got married and now, I’m pregnant with our first child. Adam does seem more appealing to me now that I’ve gotten to know him. He still eats his bugs and has even convinced me to try a few.

 "Our canned goods are going to run out sooner or later," he cajoled.

 But, I still can’t deal with the thought of kissing him. I tried it once and it was like, well, it was like, kissing guano.